Welcome to our first anonymously written post, mostly because our partners made us promise. We’ve toyed with doing this at EHD as a way to keep our privacy (and privacy of our partners/family/friends) while being able to dive into what we really talk about in the office. Valentine’s Day is approaching and most of us don’t want diamonds, all we really want is a way to connect more. You know, to feel in love with our partner. And a side of butterflies wouldn’t hurt. Rumor has it that sex can get stale. It can even start to feel like an obligation, another box to check, after years of marriage and especially after having kids. But intimacy is SO important, and sex is how a lot of couples feel that intimacy. So in addition to the usual “For Him/For Her” gift guide (stay tuned), this year we’ve crowdsourced from all the women we know (and some men) ways/ideas/products to help bring some romance back, excite us a bit, and to help us “connect” more with our partners in the bedroom. Life is long so why not put some effort in and keep having some fun.
*Please note that these are direct quotes from our ANONYMOUS friends and selves about stuff they/we LOVE and have worked for them/us. Everyone will be anonymous, mostly to save partners from embarrassment from their moms who likely read this blog.
**And a warning – While we think these suggestions are about getting romantic, connecting and having fun in healthy consensual relationships, we also suggest that Emily’s parents (or those that might feel uncomfortable talking about sex) stop reading right here. :)
1. Dispea Podcast: “If you like reading romance novels (me!!) and like listening to podcasts (me!!) then throw on this erotic, not cheesy, story podcast after crawling into bed and see if it works. In my experience just turning it on, turns us on. However, my male partner wants to note that this is more for women than men. I countered with, ‘well, if it works for women isn’t it also for men if you know what I mean?’ He concurred. But be warned that perhaps both partners might not like these stories equally.”
2. The Spicer App: “This app is so fun. It presents activities and ideas and lets you “like” the things you would feel comfortable doing (separately from your partner, so you can answer as honestly as possible). Once you’re both done you get a list, but only see the activities that both you and your partner both “liked”. You can play “dares” or just see what you both are into. It’s fun and just the act of filling out the questions gets us both excited.”
3. Modern and Pretty Lingerie: Duh. But, a lot of us struggle with lingerie because not only can it be actually unflattering, but there is something so “come hither” cheesy about it – almost like putting on a costume, which sure, can be fun but feels kinda false for a regular basis. Historically lingerie brands have done anything BUT empower women, instead they have been another cog in the objectification machine and been a huge source of body shaming. We found Lonely Label lingerie on Instagram and it looks so pretty and modern. Please note all the beautiful women on their site are of many different sizes, shapes, colors, and ages. EXACTLY. Goodbye Victoria Secret.
4. OMGYES: “I found out about “OMGYES” through an Instagram ad, prominently featuring a photo of Emma Watson (who is a big supporter of the site). Think of it like Skillshare for the big O. You pay a one-time fee, which grants you access to an entire archive of informative and eye-opening videos from women of all ages, sharing their experiences and techniques. It’s not porn, and it’s not just text-based articles with diagrams. It’s kinda like chatting in your living room with your best friends, except your best friends are women’s pleasure experts. Learning about your own sexual pleasure only benefits your relationship and a lot of us weren’t taught ANYTHING. Let’s all get more informed.”
5. Eva II: “This discreet and insanely pleasurable little guy changed our sex life. If you feel like you have a hard time ‘getting there’ when having sex, this will make that a non-issue. But if you don’t want to make that investment, multiple women highly recommended this. Also I haven’t tried this but would sure love it – can anybody recommend it?”
6. Take a Sexy Photo: “Whenever I feel a little unsexy and perhaps slightly insecure about my looks I find that taking a naked or sexy mirror pic makes me feel like a new woman. A lot of the times I don’t even share the photos with my partner (but that can help set the mood, too). I just find that simply giving myself space and opportunity to love myself helps open me up to express that love with my partner. But if you do feel comfortable sharing this with your partner, it can be fun and exciting to throw on some lingerie and have them take some photos of you. Don’t be afraid to treat yourself like you are an exquisite masterpiece – because you are.”
7. Pop on a Steamy Movie Or TV Show: We’re not talking porn. Most women (and men) know the power of “The Notebook”, but a lot of guys don’t necessarily feel cool pressing play on that one. But there are some shows and movies that are less, “50 Shades of Ryan Gosling on a ferris wheel,” and more “Rugged Scottish warriors and vampires”. Our favorites are Outlander, True Blood, and even Dirty Dancing.
8. Turn Up Some Music: “This may be the oldest trick in the book. And when we say music – think romance, not sex. We’ve always struggled with selecting that right music choice. While I don’t mind ‘Let’s Get It On’ on the dance floor, there is something too ‘on the nose’ about it in the bedroom. This is highly specific per each couple out there, but I almost suggest more thinking about it romantically. One example: Play ‘your song’ – the one you did for your first dance.”
9. Pamper Yourself Into The Mood: “Everyone has different things that make them feel sexy. For me, feeling relaxed, soft, and smooth make me feel very sexy. I love taking a warm bath (with a candle because sometimes a cliche works) and using Frank Body Scrub to get my skin super soft and smooth. Then when I get out I like to use Fur Oil (actually TWO people swore by this) and then throw on something comfortable but that shows off all my soft skin, like a satin set.”
10. Celebrate Your Partner, Publicly and Privately: “This is coming from me, Emily Henderson, not anonymous. I think that making your partner feel like they are the best, not just with an ‘I love you’ but really letting them know why, what is it about them that you love, why are they so great is the best way to feel connected. And don’t be afraid to call out physical attributes – men like to be complimented as much as women.”
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Now we’d love to hear from you. What makes you feel good and empowered in the bedroom? Let’s talk about sex (and romance), baby.
